Homos Need To Grow A Pair

John W Jones

And I Don't Mean Cottonballs: Why The Establishment Should Throw a Debutante Ball for Gay Marriage, and Why Gay America Should Suddenly Remember It Has To Wash Its Hair That Night

The whole of human history, which is pretty much just serial episodes of one group oppressing another, is full of this: as you flit hither and thither through life's tulip garden, you must legitimize the beliefs of the oppressing class, or face the consequences.

Consequences typically include, but are not limited to: marginalization, discrimination, public ridicule, physical violence, and death.

It is insanity, isn't it, to hold convictions which are both improbable and unprovable, and to oppress or kill anyone who isn't inclined to high-five your worldview? Especially since, who died and made YOU God?

At the very least, it suggests a kind of desperate lily-liverosity.

I speak of the current government, which is sucking Homophobe Nation's dick with that I-Hate-Fags Amendment crap. Of course, the good old annals are brimming pretty heavily with other examples of oppression by retards, too numerous to list here.

The anti-gay fucktards can't bear to have the homos prancing through town, challenging their beliefs by getting married. They fear that if men marry men and women marry women, marriage will lose its meaning as their most venerable and unassailable bastion of misogyny.

Misogyny, I don't need to remind you, is our culture's founding principle. We simply can't do without it!

The anti-gay fucktards freely admit that they quiver like aspens at the thought of two plastic tuxedoes on the wedding cake. They say gay marriage will defile the world's virgins. They say it will cause tidal waves and apocalypses. They say it will "weaken" the sanctity of nuclear hetero Jesus barefoot pregnancy.

Man, are these guys dumb. They should be happy as clams that so many gays want to subject themselves to the disadvantageous, anachronistic, vive la patriarchie enterprise that is marriage. They should be handing out cigars and composing lyric odes to this ideological victory over queer iconoclasm. At last, the unruly homos are jumping on the patriarchal bandwagon! They're embracing Conservative Family Values! They're flushing feminism down the crapper! They're consigning themselves to bourgeois domestic slavery for the sake of the market economy!

In other words, they're trying to curry favor with the patriarchal hegemony. So they can be slaves in the Big House, and not have to pick cotton no more.

The anti-gay fucktards, if they had half a brain, would cave on this marriage issue, because it is ultimately to their own advantage. The queers have made it a civil rights centerpiece, and they're never going to put a sock in it until they can enjoy the same sort of oppression that straight people do. If they can legally marry, The Man gains hitherto undreamed-of control over their relationships! And meanwhile, enjoyment of gay-bashing can continue uninterrupted.

Or: queers could grow a pair. They could admit that the marriage ideal is all about oppression. They could boldly go where no patriarchal fucktard has gone before and cop to it. It might dawn on them that everybody on the planet doesn't have to worship their relationship for it to be valid. They might note that the heterosexual marriage model is based on a cover of the Saturday Evening Post, and that in actuality the nucelar family is indentured to American capitalism. It could occur to them that marriage is not "value-neutral," and therefore has a deleterious social impact even on those who want no part of it.

Because if they wait for their countrymen to give them a pat on the head and welcome them into the fold, they're going to be waiting a pretty long time. Probably until the Pope shits in the woods.