Soy Milk Shake: Blueberry, Banana, Source of Life Green Protein Powder

Nothing wrecks a decent fruit shake like a scoop of that green protein powder, so I never use it unless my fruit is sub-par. In this case, it masks flavorless geriatric blueberries with its hideous, bitter-hippie aftertaste. That yellow thing in the background is my phone. I never answer it, so don't bother calling.

Tagliatelle, Parmesan Sauce, Garlic Broccoli

I savored this excellent dish with my right brain while my left brain drifted between Atlantic Monthly and the Olympics opening ceremony. You never saw such a bunch of hale and hearty, beautiful pink youths as the Spanish Olympic team. No flies on the Italians, either, for that matter. And Kenya, looking noble and fleet-of-foot in their uber-African earth-toned batiks. I felt sorry for Kazakhstan, though; some brain-dead fashion consultant, who hasn't opened a copy of Vogue since Brezhnev, had them dressed up in powder blue suits that made them look like a rustbelt wedding party staggering off to a strip club.

Ritratto Rosso, Vigneti delle Dolomite 1999

Here is that pretty excellent wine the nonstop lauding of which has been flowing freely from the Posey-Smith lips of late. I have found that it resolves most quality-of-life issues.

Black Bean Mole, White Rice

Ay-yi-yi!

Breakfast of Losers Odwalla Superfood

I drink this in the morning when I am too faint from hunger to make even a piece of toast. It is fruit juice to which has been added some grass for that healthy green glow. You can't taste it, but it also contains a modicum of Jerusalem artichoke. Gor blimey.

Lots of people believe that juice is extra wholesome, and maintain sanctimony about their smoothie habits. But it turns out that, nutriently speaking, drinking an apple offers no moral advantage over chewing one. Juice may even be said to be worse, overall, if you factor in environmental impact--electricity used to pulverize the food, resources consumed by the plastic container, etc. And the calories you would otherwise expend chewing just turn to flab on the hoof, girlfriend. Flab on the hoof.

Store-bought Carrot Cake, Whole Foods

Carrot cake has a tendency to resemble an oil-soaked sponge, and this slice rather typified the stereotype. I abandoned this miserable blot on the dessert escutcheon after 4 bites.