Salmon Log

Jab a branch of thyme into almost any old dinner log and it's insta-glam for you, my poodle. This salmo-kopita is already plenty glam, though. Copper River salmon rolled up in herbed phyllo with pesto and a paste of sundried tomato, goat cheese, roasted garlic, and assorted flora from the kitchen garden. Sounds like the Battle of the Titans, but ca marche bien. Maybe don't eat one every day. There's about 8 pounds of butter up in this mug.

Salmon Log >>

Grocery Store "Artisan Sour Baguette"

With honey-maple ham, orange cheese, and Fritos

Grocery store bread just sucks. Take this so-called Artisan Sour Baguette. I'd like to meet this "artisan" and give him a breathalyzer. Who'd he apprentice with? Mrs. Baird? Dow Chemical? Has he ever even tasted bread?

They've got some nerve calling this anything but Sucky-Suck Loaf.

I ate this sandwich while imagining what it would be like to vote my conscience in '04.

Potato, Tomato

If you don't keep a pile of herbs rolled up in a wet towel in the bin marked "crisper" (crisper than what?), well, it's your funeral. Spruced up with creme fraiche and a handful of fresh whatever, the humble baked Yukon Gold doesn't have to taste like what it is: the last goddam root in the house.

Leftover Macaroni & Cheese

This is the baked kind, always better the second day, with an artery-bursting, oniony cheddar bechamel.

Note that in this example I have omitted, in my haste to cram the delicious morsel down my craw, the garnish. A couple of chives draped appealingly along the edge of the plate would have made all the difference in terms of charisma.

This dish reminds me of the Faster Family Motto:

Don't forget the chives, yo.

Baked Penne with Dueling Cheddars

What a difference a tray makes. Here is the same macaroni and cheese the day before it became leftover, looking very saucy indeed against the Attic simplicity of its Wedgwood backdrop. The toasted-breadcrumb-to-naked-noodle ratio cannot be improved upon.

Even so half-assed a garnish as parsley makes this dish mac-tacular!