Organic Berries

Rasp- and blue- with heavy cream

One thing that really chaps my hide is when food product marketers invent tasteless flavors, and consumers gradually just accept that they exist. One such flavor is "golden." Another is "very berry." Very berry" is especially egregious on accounta it's grammatically suspect. And what does that even mean, "very berry"?

Lunch On The Deck

A few slices of Cochon d'Or honey maple ham on a jalapeno-cheddar bun

I ate this sandwich while pretending to read the preface to superstar lesbo theorist Judith Butler's new book Precarious Lives, a collection of essays on 9/11. I am sorry to say that I became distracted from this endeavor upon discovering that a gummy orange substance, possibly cheese, had escaped the mighty gravitational field of the store-bought bun and, in the heat of the Texas July afternoon, chemically bonded with my microfiber jogging pantaloons. This event had permanent fatal errors.

Chicken Cordon Twisty

Normal chicken oven roasted and stuffed with goat cheese and Serrano ham, with tomato and white wine reduction, roasted Brussel's sprouts, and leftover penne with sundried tomato

The Central Market now hawks these gargantuan monstrosities called "Smart Chickens." Smart Chickens are the product of psychotic poultry breeders who got the bright idea of crossing the domestic chicken with the woolly mammoth. The resulting Half Breast of Smart Chicken does not fit inside a human stomach. I know because once I tried to eat one. When I cried uncle, there was still a good seven or eight pounds of mangled flesh on the plate. So now I just buy chickens with normal IQs.

Tiny Coconut Creme Pie

Central Market

There's something sad about such a tiny pie.