Tuna Sandwich With A Bowl Of Cherries

I ate this while watching the first Spiderman movie on HBO. I discovered that my surround speakers are hooked up backwards, because every time, say, Willem Dafoe looked stage left toward some evil disembodied laughter, it sounded to me like it was coming from the opposite side. This was disconcerting, but not enough to make me actually get up and fix it. I guess it's been that way for about a year.

Life Imitates Art

After the Spiderman movie, I strolled outside to survey the estate, and there was this giant spider web covering half the deck. What are the odds?

I said, "Whoa! Dude!" even though there was nobody there.

Pluot

The pluot is an abomination. It is a godless cross between a plum and an apricot. It was invented by a mad scientist in Modesto named Floyd Zaiger.

This fruit is proof that abomination, at least from a culinary standpoint, is a consummation devoutly to be wished. I ate this unholy hybrid for lunch while composing a letter outlining evidence that will hopefully and justly keep me out of prison for tax evasion. That my outlook remains sunny I attribute solely to the remarkable fruit-o-vision of Floyd Zaiger.

Sea Scallops with Carmelized Garlic and Lemon Zest, Roasted Brussel's sprouts, broiled tomato

That this dinner was low-carb was a total accident.

Dry Roasted Almonds

These came from a can marked "Barbecue Flavor" but fortunately they just tasted normal.

I have taken to buying my nuts in a can ever since my sister bore witness to the unthinkable in the Bulk Section at the Central: some untidy old dude, in full view of aghast patrons, inserted his bare hand, the cleanliness of which was highly suspect, into the cashew bin, and unapologetically purloined a handful of nuts, leaving a swathe of geezer-bacteria in his wake. The extent of my sister's horror was marked, and also contagious.